Lisi: It’s not you, it’s Carl Palmer."
— Listening to Karn Evil 9.
— Listening to Karn Evil 9.
Just heard an interview with Lynn Rosetto Kasper and she was talking about the frustrations of being a woman in the food industry. It’s interesting to hear stories from woman in different industries… similar experiences… sexism still exists.
At any rate, she used the word, “Mansplaining” - when a man feels the need to explain how things work to a woman because she couldn’t possibly know already, even though she’s a professional in the same industry, because, in fact, she’s a woman and woman just don’t know these things.
My own example from this past month (trust me, I get mansplained to all the freakin’ time) - I won’t name any names right now, but I recently connected with a “talent buyer” with my normal introduction to GCO email. This was in regards to our upcoming October tour, I was hoping for a specific date. He wrote back and said:
I am interested…
Love your stuff…
Let me see what I can do…about a show…
I have (I won’t say band name, but a headliner in our genre) on (date)…is that date doable?.
It would be in Boston area.. Venue TBA
(Date) was the date I wanted, so this was perfect. I emailed and said YES and, no reply. This is normal in sales, so, I emailed a week later, just a quick check-in email, because I’ve dealt with smaller “talent buyers” such as this guy, and they’ll make it sound like something is a real possibility when it’s not… here’s what I got back:
I love your persistent self. True be said, nothing is in the works to bring you here. Shit, haven’t had time to even here your band. Please excuse me for being so honest. I give this to all the new bands. I would just be looking at you opening for a band…no money kid..love ya but I have to be straight. .you got a fan base in Boston ? Send me stuff…that is how you get in. Keep it up…hard work ahead. ..
He called me “kid”… he uses the word “love” a couple times… he’s going to be “honest” when he said he “loved our stuff” and then follows that with “haven’t had time to here (nice speller too) your band.” No money? Give me a break, no money is bs. If there’s a ticket, there’s money and even the opener gets a cut, albeit a small cut, there’s still money and if he doesn’t pay his opening bands, he’s a slimeball on top of being a sexist pig. Then ending it with: “Hard work ahead…”
When I read that, especially that last line, all I could think was, “F YOU! F YOU! F YOU!” I was livid! There’s a mansplanation if I ever heard one. Infuriating! Hard work ahead, huh? Thanks Mr. Man Idiot, you’ve taught me so much about this business that I obviously know more about than you do. Here’s my reply:
Thanks for the reply. As I have been a full-time professional musician for 9 years and am founder/president of my own booking agency (6 years), I understand how the business works, hard work and all, and I am definitely not a kid…
Sorry, now I’m the one that has to be honest, as I found your message condescending…
I am confused, as in your first message back you said that you “love our stuff,” but in your most recent message, you said you hadn’t had a chance to hear it. You also mentioned the October 8th date asking, “is that date doable?” followed by this recent message saying “nothing” is in the works to bring us here. I was just thinking we might be able to open for (band), which would be kickass, but either way… that was misleading information…
I have worked with many presenters throughout the United States. Our band has toured from Colorado to the East Coast and back - GCO has been around for 5 years, touring for 3. Our break even fee is ($x). We have made much more and much less than that and everything in between, depending on the event, the marketplace and our draw in it. We would, at some point, love to play for your audience, as it seems like a good fit and are willing to work with most any parameters that are presented to us. However, we are absolutely unable able to agree to play for no money. If someone offered us a no money gig to open for King Crimson, I’d do that, can’t think of any other time… Oh, and I’d do it for a RUSH opener!! We opened for Uriah Heep (played YYZ too, just to remind them of the good ol’ days when RUSH opened for them) - we were paid ($x).
So, at some point in the future, I hope we can work it out that we can come and play for your audience. I have a package ready to be sent out tomorrow complete with our 3 original albums.
Hopefully we can move forward from here, I appreciate your prompt replies. Take care, Lisi
There you have it, mansplaining in the music business. I have to deal with situations like this almost monthly. It blows my mind that sexism is still so thick in this day and age.
This too shall pass.
It’s my mantra for today. I’ve been wondering about my back and neck pain. I think it’s life. Life isn’t perfect, it is in fact quite difficult to navigate at times. And, sometimes stress or the weight of life just causes you to fold up. I think my back and neck problems are, in part, just that. It’s my physical body wanting to fold up from all the unresolved emotional trauma within it, but my mind is forcing my body to stand up right. After too much forcing, the body simply cannot hold on… it just breaks. My body is broken. My back and neck feel like they’re dying… for the 3rd time this summer… This isn’t supposed to happen at the age of 30. This is supposed to, possibly, happen when a person is twice that age…
In the words of Garth Brooks, “I’m much too young to feel this damn old.”